OMG you guys my neighborhood is SO DANGEROUS. I don’t mean gunshots, or carjackings, or the sale of tiny-yet-still-felonious amounts of marijuana, or even teenagers with saggy pants in menacing groups of as many as two or three walking down the street…

I mean jungle cats.

John and I were running in our neighborhood yesterday before work (I KNOW! I don’t know how it happened either! We have never run before work before, and will likely never again. But let the record reflect that for one brief day in April, we were healthy and fit.) Running by the elementary school, we saw five news vans, the kind with the portable satellites on top so they can report “live from the field.” There were heavily made-up field reporters standing in front of cameramen wielding bright lights, filing reports for the 7am newscast.

My first thought was that something horrible had happened at the school, and I worried that a student had been killed, or some suspicious stranger had broken in and acted shady around the kids or something. We didn’t stop, though. We made a mental note to look at the local news when we got home, then promptly forgot all about it.

Until I got this text from John:

I figured out why all the news vans were by the school. Last night the police shot a wild cougar who was roaming around the neighborhood. (Cougar as in big cat, not middle-aged woman with fake boobs and short dress.)

Amazing, right? Mountain lion, in my decidedly non-mountainous neighborhood! My neighborhood was in the New York Times! Putting aside the (surprisingly heated) discussions of “did the police do the right thing,” and “did the majestic cat have to die?” I just have to say: we clearly risked our lives when we took that run through our ‘hood. The only logical conclusion here is that running is dangerous and should be avoided at all costs.