– Wear industrial strength deodorant because it might be 97 degrees in your courtroom.

– When you’re direct examining your star witness about how he has been unable to be intimate with his wife since the accident, one of your jurors might fart. Loudly. Think in advance about how you are going to maintain your composure if that happens.

– When you’re cross examining the defense’s star witness, one of your jurors might start snoring. Loudly. Think in advance of subtle yet effective ways to wake jurors up. Options to explore: loud coughing, scooting a chair across the floor, or shouting of curse words.

– If your jury deliberates for 3.3 minutes and comes back with a judgment in exactly half the amount you asked for, it means “holy god this trial was too long and boring and now we just want to go home so we’re splitting the difference and calling it a day,” and it will feel like a hollow victory.

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