This weekend, the law school welcomes 215 admitted students to campus to explore, take a mock class, and see whether they want to got into debt to come here.

Note I say 215. Not 150, as was expected. Key distinction, this. See, I actually am in charge of matching admitted students with current student hosts, and having 65 more people than expected really makes this a challenge. I have begged, borrowed, promised to bake cupcakes, and allowed my lower lip to tremble piteously in an effort to cajole my classmates into hosting admitted students. But the best, by far, have been the emails that I have gotten from the admits themselves, who appear to be under the misimpression that someone is being paid to do all this matching, and thus they are entitled to whatever they want. Here are some of the funnier tidbits from the more-than-250 emails on the topic of students hosts I have sent and received this week:

-“I’d like to be hosted by someone who is a member of both the Federalist Society (conservative student organization) and Outlaw (gay rights organization.)” Well, I’d like to make a first-year associate’s salary working at a child advocacy firm. We all have dreams.

– “I’m allergic to bananas. Will any bananas be served?” Dammit, I’m going to have to cancel that bananas foster dessert station we were planning to set up in the law school lounge.

-“I don’t think the host you’ve set up for me is going to work, because she has a dog, and I am occasionally intimidated by dogs.” With descriptions like “occasionally intimidated” already in your day-to-day vernacular, you are SO READY for law school.

– “I have an injury, and you will need to find someone who will carry my bags for me.” Yes, they’re called porters and they work at the airport and you TIP THEM. I cannot ask another law student to be your personal lackey! (Much as I’d like to assign that job to some of my less-favored classmates.)

– (from a host): “I can host, but I can’t come to any of the events, and the admit is going to need their own transportation and their own entertainment, because I really don’t want to be having to go to this crap. Will you find stuff for them to do for me?” No.

– “My host is unwilling to pick me up at Midway airport. Can you pick me up?” No.

– (after rejecting the 5th host I’d matched her with:) “You seem to be having a hard time finding a host for me. Couldn’t I just stay with you?” No.

Thank goodness Sunday’s event will have an open bar.