As I would imagine is the case at a lot of gyms, there’s sort of a usual crowd to the spin classes I go to. There’s heavy-sweating super expensive bike gear guy, who has special spinning shoes and gel-butt bike shorts, and gloves, and racing shirts. There’s gazelle girl, who is at least 6 feet tall, is 90% leg, and wears little spandex shorts the size of a postage stamp. There’s grandma, who is totally inspiring and comes every week in her bike shorts and 80s era t-shirts to huff through the workout with the rest of the 20- and 30- somethings. My personal favorite is wrestling outfit guy, who wears, I swear to god, those little spandex shorts with the overall suspenders, like wrestlers wear, often with no shirt on underneath:
But every week, there are a few randoms who show up.
This week, one of the randoms was: a Stealth Tooter.
Look, let’s be honest. Farting during a workout is a fact of life. We’ve all done it. I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I have never let one escape while I was working hard on the elliptical, or doing my one millionth lunge.
But this was something else entirely. This was not a few isolated toots, it was a constant barrage of SBDs. (Silent but deadlies.) The corner where my bike was located developed a perma-fart smell. I found myself looking around at the people on the bikes nearby, wondering if anyone looked embarrassed, or whether I could get any other hint about the source of the problem. No such luck.
How could someone be this flatulent and not realize it or show any indication of embarrassment? Is it possible to be that tooty and not realize it in the throes of a particularly challenging workout? That thought caused me to have a brief, horrifying moment where I wondered if *I* was the stealth tooter, and just didn’t realize it.
But then, about 15 minutes before class ended, random girl on the bike in front of me got up, wiped down her bike, and left class early. And the smell miraculously disappeared. So that cleared that up.
But it left me wondering: what is the ettiquette on workout gas issues? I mean, the occasional unavoidable fart is a fact of life, but if one morning you discover that you’re really a gas machine, do you soldier on and pretend nothing’s happening, knowing that the people around you are being subjected to an awful lot of smelliness? Do you press on but acknowledge that it’s you by saying “excuse me”? Or should you just bail on the class entirely, so as not to subject your fellow gym-goers to such an unpleasant olfactory experience so early in the morning?