Actual contents of birthday card just received from godparents, who live far away in California:
1. Check for $100
2. Note saying (direct quote) “With love, [Your Godparents] P.S. We would love to have more than just a ‘check writing’ relationship. Please call us when you are nearby.”
I’m not going to lie: part (2) left me feeling a little defensive. While I appreciate their generosity, I hardly expect, or need, a check in my birthday cards anymore. I think I’d rather have just the card, minus both the check and the guilt trip.
I’m a little torn as to how to respond, so I’m doing the obvious thing: asking the internet. If received such a card, what would you do?
May 15, 2009 at 7:39 am
The problem with communication that isnt done face to face is that you cant REALLY 100% tell what they meant when they said it. With this in mind I think it is always easiest to take the tone of ‘peace keeping’ coz who needs that extra stress in their lives!?
I say cash the cheque (not a spelling mistake, that’s how we spell it in New Zealand and Australia) and send a note saying thank you for the money but that it really isnt required anymore, you’d just love to hear from them around your birthday. That way you’ve counteracted their ‘we’d love to see you’ with a ‘I’d love to hear from you too’ and you still get to keep the money while avoiding the same awkwardness next year.
May 15, 2009 at 7:46 am
I say, cash the check (you don’t want to screw up their checkbook). Write them a chatty note updating them on your life. Tell them they should give you a call next time they’re in your town. And send them your own check for $100. Yes, I’m a snot.
May 15, 2009 at 8:18 am
Boy, this is a doozy, huh? I want to give them the benefit of the doubt and think they just want to see you more often, but they could’ve accomplished that by saying, “Hey, we’d love to see you more often! Call us when you’re in town!”
So. I’d cash the check, write them a thank you note, and mention in there how you’d also love to see them more often and add a P.S. to mention you don’t really need, or expect, a check for your birthday.
May 15, 2009 at 8:32 am
Call them to thank them, send them a thank you note and cash the check.
May 15, 2009 at 8:47 am
Wow, that’s… weird. I wouldn’t know how to react either, but I’d feel defensive too.
I assume, as your godparents, that they are close friends with your parents. Maybe you can ask your parents what their take on it is. I’d cash the check (seems rude not to, since it was gift) and write them a nice note updating them on your life.
May 15, 2009 at 9:16 am
I think P&D has it spot on. My instinct would be to ignore the comment, politely thank them, and make more of an effort to stay in touch with them in the future?
May 15, 2009 at 11:04 am
I would totally feel defensive, too. The implication is that they don’t want to have just a check-CASHING relationship, and also that you frequently come to California without contacting them. They probably DIDN’T mean to say exactly that, but if they didn’t, then they’re a little dim about how WORDS convey MEANING.
I think I’d write a thank-you note that was chattier than usual, and then I’d pick a frequency of time I thought was good to write to them (every 2 months?) and put it on my calendar, without remarking on their comment.
If they then never wrote to ME, I’d be VERY TEMPTED to write something like “I’d love to have more than just a check-cashing relationship!” But I would not do so.
May 15, 2009 at 11:23 am
Snark o’ rama.
I’d cash that bad boy and write them a chatty note every now and then.
May 15, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Oh, no. I bet they didn’t mean it in nearly the snarky manner it came off. I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they are just poor communicators.
Don’t cash the check if you’re uncomfortable with it, but do send them a note letting them know you’re grateful they thought of you on your birthday. I guess it’s easy for me to say because I write letters like a crazy person with no life, but it might be nice to just send them a postcard or a small note once a month or so. Maybe they won’t feel so neglected then.
May 15, 2009 at 9:26 pm
Cash it and write a chatty note. You could also give them a link to your blog so they will ALWAYS be updated on your life
If you do cash it and feel strange, donate it to a charity or two.
May 16, 2009 at 8:52 am
It doesn’t sound like a guilt trip, just an honest albeit awkward attempt to start up a relationship that has lapsed. Don’t see it as hostile or snarky, see it as positive and caring and see where it goes from there. Sociologist note that when “children” grow older, they are the ones who control access to communications and contact. I’m sure they know that you are busy and occupied but would be honored to hear from you. Who wouldn’t?